Ron rants about a newspaper article entitled “Stepping Lively For A Cause.” It’s great that people are out doing something to help out others. But all too often, these walk-a-thons… and sing-a-thons… and sweat-a-thons are just an excuse for you to feel better about your own health. Why does it take some sort of cause in order for you to take care of yourself? You don’t need a cause. You should be your own cause.

OK, hold on to your undies, kids. I am PO. Stepping lively for a cause. Yes, I need a cause. I need a ribbon. I need a special reward. I need a pat on the back. I need a pink shirt. Boo cancer. Boo this. Boo that. Here’s a whole page taken up in a newspaper of a woman who’s actually got a number on her little spandex sweat outfit. Shes number 83.

People are cheering her because she’s gone up. Hold on kids. This is really exciting stuff. Because she’s gone up, yes, 30 flights. How grueling. Now, look, good for her that shes doing something to help out other people. But all too often, these walk-a-thons and these sing-a-thons, and these sweat-a-thons…

Why does it take this for you to take care of yourself? Why do you need some sort of special group to tell you, The only way we can get our message across is if you put this spandex pink ribbon on and get really pissed off about some disease? I’ve got a better idea. Why don’t you just get into the best shape you could possibly be. Don’t eat crap. Start taking care of yourself.

Follow the blogs. Follow the 12 week program. Enjoy your life. Be more productive. When you see somebody who needs help, help them. Don’t wait for something special to come along so you can get number 83. Wait for fake cheerleaders with pompoms to go, Yeah! We hate cancer.Who doesn’t?

This country’s just nonsense. Start being responsible for you. If you do that, there’s this thing called the butterfly effect. It just waves out into the things around you, unless you’re the dad of teenagers. Teenage girls who tend to get cranky. Right, Gary? That’s right, kids.

Hey, get out there. You don’t need a cause. Your big fat butt should be your own cause.