What?! We have to be enticed to lay on a mat and touch our toes? Is this the nicer and friendlier yoga? Yoga is mind body together. The ability to “yoke” mind and body together. It’s about breathing and moving. We need to start taking responsibility for ourselves. Does it really take a happy hour to get us to move?

Oh, hi. I’m doing yoga, in case you don’t know this. Yoga’s changed, apparently. In this latest article in the Star and Tribune variety section, “Yoga with a Twist.”

[groans with exertion]

They’re awfully far down there. I don’t think I can make it. But I do think I can make it to yoga happy hour. This is what’s happening to America. OK? We’re so lazy, we’re so lame, we’re so freaking unapologetically spoiled rotten that we have to now be enticed to lay on a rubber mat and touch our toes. Now if you go to this happening event, yoga, a sampling of happy hour yoga.

Now you can go to these different yoga places and they’ll serve you cocktails of course, healthy cocktails. They’ve got DJs. You mix and you mingle. And I guess it’s just to make a more friendly atmosphere with presenting yoga to the masses and perhaps filling these empty office spaces that they’ve spent way too much money on decorating.

Yoga, mind, body. Yoking the two together. It’s real simple. It’s like being able to breathe [inhales], exhale [exhales], and then just sit up. This isn’t rocket science. It’s yoga. You touch your toes. Hey, will you hand me that cocktail wiener over there? Say, Bob’s looking awfully good in those slim and sexys.

Come on. What’s wrong with you people? We need to start taking major responsibility for being physically fit, for taking care of ourselves. Really, really, does it take this to get you in shape? Does it take this? By the way, if you go to the yoga happy hours, you’re not going to look like her. She doesn’t go to that crap. She’s a model. She actually goes and does yoga on her own.

The thing about getting in shape, eating right, and not ending up like Paula Deen, who apparently caters a lot of these events, is just taking responsibility for wanting yourself to feel good and to look good. It’s tantamount to getting up in the morning and not brushing your teeth. You wouldn’t think of not doing that. And if you do, well, please, don’t talk to us. Because your breath will stink. Probably your clothes.

These blogs are designed to just be absolutely stupid rants, but they’ve got a real message behind them. Folks. Happy hour yoga. If you know somebody who goes to something like this, put a Paula Deen wig on them and stick a piece of butter up their you know what and send them out the door. There. I’ll see you soon.

Check out Ron’s Basic Fitness Program.  No gyms.  No special equipment.  15 Minutes A Day.  And it works!  No more excuses.